No good advice.
05 November 2008 @ 16:54 ; 1 CommentsThe whole of Monday I was out with the Queen Bee. Right now she's in the midst of preparing for her imminent examinations so I am doing my part in... keeping her company. It was already evening time when we finally reached our comfortable destination- the airport. Yes, the most utilized public place besides the library where throngs of students occupy every vacant space to do their read-ups and whatnots.
As the Queen got seeped into her notes, I was already getting listless. It didn't help that my attention span at that point of time was bordering close to non-existant. With nothing better to do, I got started on the graphic novel that I had brought along to keep me company (my cumbersome Seed bag has already fallen apart, so I had to carry it around like a clutch).
While she was revising, I looked on at her and then felt a pang of sadness. Envy too. There I was, sitting across from my best friend, who's pursuing a degree in a subject that she's good at. At that, I felt like a loser, in terms of education. Yeah sure I breezed through my O's, made it out barely alive with my diploma qualifications. I had held high hopes during my NS days to continue studying in one of the local universities. I had actually planned to major in either Mass Communications, Psychology, Sociology or English.
Sadly those were dashed....
Would attaining a degree appease me immensely? Perhaps. Or perhaps not. I know the repercussions if I were to hotly pursue this competitive local streak of being part of the cream of the crops. In the bigger picture, the reason why I want to chase that qualification is
Let's face it, despite the fact that I can be lazy (obvious Malay trait/stereotype/generalization that still rings true), deep down I know I can be as hardworking as anyone out there. And I know that I am smart. I know that I can make it. So why was I not given the chance to prove that I can do it? Is it because of my grades? Nowdays they say we should not rely only on what's in our paper to get so far ahead. But then again, our society has already been indoctrinated into going for the bigger, better, brighter things, i.e. better, higher education, to grasp better concepts and attain better jobs in the future. Isn't that just contradictory?
Monday's study session (and talks and notebook diary flipping) made me realize and reaffirmed the fact that I do have the capacity to go really far. That I can make it if I just try hard enough. If not hard, even harder. But who's to say what's in store in our future right? People think it's us who determines our fate. Yes, true. Possible. But let's not forget that God holds the answers to everything.
So yes, with God's will, I am determined to go headlong into quenching my competitive spirit by gaining admission into a university that is ready to accept me and attain that degree. And then a masters, a doctorate... hmmm...
For my family.
For my friends.
But ultimately, for myself.
Get ready to be proud of me (:
P.S In case you are wondering, I have decided to major either in English (Literature) or Mass Communications. Yep, still no change. But seeing as Queen Bee's curriculum is quite dry and scary, I think I shall go down the route of safe and not so brain draining. But then, studying is already brain draining per se. Hmmmm.
