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21 October 2008 @ 02:22 ; 0 CommentsShould I shout for a rescue?
I promised - I'm not really sure whether to myself or otherwise - that if, and when, I should start a proper blog's blog again I would do my utmost best to update it within a span of at the very least- three days. It's been five days since I posted a new entry (i.e this one) and I feel as if I have let myself down.
It's not as if I am entirely to be blamed. No, really! The first half of October has already been hectic enough, particularly two weeks back, as evident previously. I know, I know. Despite the flurry of activity I should at least find the time to partake at least some information here, right? Perhaps it's the fatigue. Running around every single day, I was working myself to the grind physically, mentally, though thank god not emotionally. (Did I tell y'all that I got a job? YES. I am finally making my dreams known - slowly, but surely - as a freelance writer. Yeah, yeah. It's only freelance, but it's better than nothing, aye? You know, because of that I have like three-quarters forgotten to jobhunt for a "permanent" job. Hyuks!)
I feel as if I have missed out on a lot of things, like I am only in my own world as of this moment. I never got the chance to read the newspapers a whole lot except for certain days. And even then I didn't manage to uphold my attention for very long before my mind starts to wander. Or I simply grew drowsy. And you know what - I didn't even manage to finish off the books I had so wanted to read. I don't know whether I should blame it on the festive month, or my fledging interest. Probably a mixture of both. (I still manage to patiently wait every single time for an online show to watch, though. So I think intrinsically it lies on my attention span. Perhaps I have ADD. Hmmm. That's an interesting medical analysis.)
For the most part, I have been swimming in my thoughts. Deep thoughts. Nonsensical ones. My head was in the clouds most of the time (as being a Libra so I should be). I cannot seem to separate fiction from reality at times. Sometimes, I wish what I was thinking would come true. I would will myself to think of my future as such, and pray that it becomes a reality, instead of just figments of my imagination. Other times I am traumatised/disturbed/provoked by intense thinking, until I completely lose my head and my serious mode got switched. I hate that part right there.
Honestly? I feel like giving up at times. I feel like shutting down this blog, saying goodbye and good riddance, and just lay low. Like what I should have done a long time ago. But then again, I think to myself, and I know I still have a lot of things I want to say and share. A lot of things that I believe my people would not rather hear from my mouth (haha! Sad, I know) but I am confident of putting up here instead. A voice to be heard? Hmmm. And I know that I want to continue. Perhaps in small doses. Within three working days. Yeah. Probably.
